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If Hogan Really Knew Best, He Would Work On The Script

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JOE O'NEILL

Tribune Columnist

Published: June 6, 2008

In a moment of notable candor - in the aftermath of his son's notorious no-contest plea for reckless driving - Terry Bollea (aka Hulk Hogan) let it be known that teenager Nick was nicer than the way he portrayed himself on the reality TV show "Hogan Knows Best." In fact, Bollea revealed - in contrast to what he had said previously - that much of what passed for the inane dynamics of "reality" was, in actuality, scripted.

Left to their own devices - dumb and dumber words and actions - the Bolleas are their own worst enemy when freelancing off stage, most recently in a series of taped telephone conversations.

Everyone knows that jailhouse calls are recorded; it's one of the indignities of not being free. And the Bollea family calls were recorded by the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office. Most everyone knows such communication qualifies as a public record. And, given what qualifies as "news" these days, they probably qualify as fodder for a juicy public-records request.

And, of course, those tapes have aired - like ripe socks - from Nick complaining about his small, windowless cell to carping about being alone.

"It's so much worse than you could ever imagine," he lamented. "This is like a state prison."

Oh.

But it got worse than the whiney trivialization of a tragedy. The 17-year-old youth crassly asked his father to look into a reality TV gig centered on him and his slammer experience, one where he could "make the most money."

In a subsequent conversation, Linda Bollea, Nick's mother, bad-mouthed the mother of John Graziano, the passenger who was critically injured in that crash last August and remains in a semiconscious state. "She's not sad," asserted Linda Bollea. "She's just acting angry like she just wants the money."

Just when we thought this story might be on hiatus or couldn't get worse, we get conversational scorched earth.

Not that a happy ending looms for anyone, but a real sense of remorse and reflection would have been welcome, humanizing and downright appropriate. But apparently it would have required serious script help. Instead, we got whiney and crass when we should have gotten this:

Dad: "How you doing?"

Nick: "I don't like it, but it's not meant to be liked. As punishment, I deserve a lot worse."

Dad: "You're right. If he were conscious, you think John wouldn't trade places?"

Nick: "I know - in a heartbeat. That's all I think about. Life is so unfair. Here I am, and I'll be out in eight months. And there he is and ..."

Dad: "I know. It's horrible; it's tragic. But your job right now is to man up. And it sounds like you're doing that. But there's much more to it than that. You're responsible, as you know, for your actions that day and the awful consequences, but you should also know, your mother and I are the ones ultimately responsible - for bringing you up with distorted, celebrity values. That's on us, Nick, and I'm sorry, son. I'm sorry I never manned up in my responsibility to bring you and your sister up in something other than a parallel celebrity universe where the rules are different. Look where it got us. It's me who should be in that cell, not you. If only I did know best."

A Believer In The Booth

While Tampa Bay area baseball fans gradually acclimate to the reality that the Rays really do seem as good as their record indicates, the perspective of Joe Magrane is telling. For the past decade, he has been the color analyst for Rays TV broadcasts. He has seen it all, all too often.

"This team isn't going anywhere; it's good," Magrane said. "And it will be together for some time. It's hard for announcing sidekick Dewayne Staats and I to contain our enthusiasm. For 10 years, we've seen so much bad baseball and so many vagabond players coming through here.

"It is now what it should be," he adds. "It's fun to wake up and go to the park."

And as for those fans who still stay away in droves when the Red Sox or Trace Atkins aren't in town? Magrane's not discouraged. There's a pattern at play, he said.

"We've seen a nice spike in our TV ratings," said Magrane. "That, historically, is the first sign. Then, on the back end, attendance goes up as more people want to see the team live.

"I think there are a lot of Rays fans living in the shadows," he noted. "They used to be embarrassed to even wear the hats. Now the Rays are a talking point around town."

The Stadium

Speaking of talking points, Magrane's bullish on the notion of that proposed stadium on St. Petersburg's downtown waterfront.

"I really think a baseball team in an area can be a source of community pride," he said. "And I think that location is special. I've been coming to this area initially as a spring-training, Major League Baseball pitcher and to Al Lang Field since 1985. I remember looking at the marina and thinking: 'What a great place to play games for real.' I think a stadium there would be a crown jewel for downtown St. Pete. Make it even more of a destination and fitting in with the trend of people migrating back to the cities."

Josh Hamilton

Magrane also wanted to set the record straight on the return of Josh Hamilton. He's the "can't miss" uber-prospect that the Rays made the No. 1 overall pick in the 1999 draft and lavished a ton of bonus cash on. After endless frustrations with alcohol, cocaine and rehab, plus a three-year suspension imposed by MLB, he was, in a bureaucratic roster move, left technically unprotected in December 2006. The likelihood was that no other team would take a chance.

Oops.

The rest is history - and the biggest comeback since Lazarus. Hamilton's arguably the best player in baseball right now - for the Texas Rangers. And the Rays, especially Vice President for Baseball Operations Andrew Friedman, have taken their share of criticism for letting all that potential, however tainted, go - with virtually nothing in return.

Magrane puts it in perspective.

"As a society we view those who have gone through transgressions as heroic," says Magrane. "The bad decisions, the bad judgments - we want to forget all the dark sides. I don't think the Rays should be blamed - but celebrated for all the opportunities they gave him to get his life back on track. Friedman took a very human, personal interest in his life, not just his career, and I find that commendable."

Joe O'Neill is a South Tampa writer who can be contacted at moesez@aol.com or www.opinionstogoonline.com.

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